LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (New York NY) — GRAMMY® Award-winning chanteuse, hat-juggling mothertainer and forthcoming ABC Family Executive Producer-Legend Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera has effectively revitalized the music industry and reinvigorated the American spirit with a show-stopping performance at tonight’s NBA All-Star Game, which historians are now hailing as the single-most iconic tribute to liberty, freedom and the city of New York since the gifting of the Statue Of Liberty by the people of France in 1886.
Arriving to the stage in a massive red apple, reportedly hand-painted in Legend X’s Blu-Red LipSense lipstick, the Burlesque icon channeled her 2010 cinematic smash with what can only be described as a finger-snapping caviar ratchet remix of Frank Sinatra‘s “New York, New York,” retitled “New York, HA….NEW YAAAHHHHK.”
The Lotus legend then dove into The Drifters‘ classic “On Broadway” and Stevie Wonder‘s “Living For The City,” delivering stretches of soul-stirring notes that briefly rattled the very foundation of Madison Square Garden, which she referred to in an Excluusive post-performance interview backstage with the LNN as “a warm up.”
To showcase the softer side of her legacy, the “Beautiful” goddess donned a Back To Basics promotional fedora and brought out the Bionic era red lip anal bead mic stand, available to purchase at all TAGG and Nasty Pig stores in the city tonight, to belt out Billy Joel‘s “New York State Of Mind.”
Selflessly, the award winning crooner continued her charity work to the city by inviting out veteran rapper Nas to perform his own “N.Y. State of Mind.” When asked whether Nas’ feature on Madonna‘s upcoming album influenced her choice of special guest for the evening, Xtina looked briefly puzzled: “Oh, is he on Wrinkle Heart? I haven’t heard the album, but I hear she keeps leaking all over the place. Poor thing,” she cackled.
The Bionic beauty then tore into an immediately iconic rendition of Jay Z and Alicia Keys‘ new classic, “Empire State Of Mind,” accompanied by New York City dancing troupe The Rockettes, who have since rebranded themselves as The Lotusettes. Similarly, Mrs. Keys has announced her early retirement following the performance, issuing the following statement across social media: “Well, shit. I’m out.”
To seal the deal, the “Elastic Love” icon brought the arena to its knees with a triumphant finale of Sinatra’s “New York, New York” once again; her stage name “CHRISTINA” triumphantly flashing in lights. And, after a few unbelievable final notes utilizing her patented clitoris-flicking mic tap — a technique scientifically proven to boost performance — the crowd erupted in thunderous applause.
The actual game was immediately postponed thereafter, as most players agreed they simply could not stop “shaking and crying” after the performance, according to organizers. Echoes of “Oh my god, YAS. Slay, legend!” were heard echoing from the locker rooms for the duration of the night. Bill de Blasio now plans to hand the Key To The City over to the ahead-of-her-time songstress later this week, explaining in a press release: “This city needs you. Come on over, baby.”
“To Alyssa Keys, Billy Jewel, Nash and the rest of the true lovers of music who lent me their songs and spirits tonight, thank you,” Legendtina concluded in our post-performance interview while sipping on a refreshing Lotustini.
“And to the people of New York SAY-ty…you’re welcome. HA!”
And that is how you pay tribute to a city. Taylor who?
GIFs via WeHeartXtina.