Pop queens: They’re just like us! They live like us. They laugh like us. They message and swipe right and woof and slide into DMs for hot NSA #masc4same fun on the apps like us.
We already know Madonna spends the nights hashtagging and hunting for anon twink ass on Grindr. Hilary Duff is whimsically searching for her Mr. James Dean on Tinder. (And, mercifully, she logs off sometimes to provide some “Sparks.”) Britney set the trend years ago, as always, by hunting for that good D to hold against her on PlentyOfFish.
And as for our favorite butterfly diva-turned-dazzling Las Vegas showgirl, Mariah Carey? She’s looking for her infinity on Match.com.
AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT, VIA THE ELUSIVE CHANTEUSE HERSELF:
“I hope every woman who is single and listens to this song goes out and finds her infinity, whether on Match or the traditional way.”
Special points of interest on Mariah’s legendary real Match.com profile include, but are not limited to:
– “Seeking men 20-120”
– “Social drinker”
– The lyrics to “Dreamlover”
That’s right: Mimi’s having a retro moment of Internet dating whatever, which is why she’s using the “Infinity” video as a way of doing #1 To Infinity promo while also advertising that she is very, very single — and very selective, darling. A Tyson Beckford‘s muscle boobie bounce? That don’t impress her much!
After warming up with a few splashes and sprays of Dreams, the Elusive Chanteuse seeks out her potentials on the app. Have you ever seen someone slide right so glamorously?
I like that this is the imagined conversation between Mariah Carey and a potential suitor, as though she’s not cutting straight to the point off-camera, like: “Into? Can you Migrate? Are you a Music Box or a Charmbracelet? Sorry, no Arianators.”
In the end, it’s truly the Lambily that gets all of Mimi’s lovin’ with live footage from her fab Vegas spectacle. She appreciates ya!
The only thing that’s missing from this glittery masterpiece? A big ol’ Frito pie.
Also…
L-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y m-e.
God bless Mariah Carey. God bless Match.com. God bless that dog. Everything is wonderful and insane.
“Infinity” was released on May 18. (iTunes)
