Britney Spears Accepts Award for Inventing Homosexuality
The Legendary Miss Britney Spears has been honored by the LGBTQ community for her twenty year-long career dedicated to advancing the Gay Agenda™.
The “(I Got That) Boom Boom” Living Legend and tireless LGBTQ Warrior hit the red carpet as a shimmering, (drop dead) beautiful goddess – clearly a nod to her nude diamond ensemble in the “Toxic” music video – to accept the prestigious Vanguard Award at the 29th annual GLAAD Media Awards on Thursday night (April 12) in Los Angeles, which is awarded to individuals who have “made a significant difference in promoting equality and acceptance of LGBTQ people.”
— GLAAD (@glaad) April 13, 2018
LGBTQney’s contributions to homosexuality are myriad of course, from the time she boldly laughed in the face of the archaic institution of marriage with a 2004 shotgun wedding in Las Vegas, to making out with “cool lady” Madonna onstage at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards in a show of same-sex love solidarity, to encouraging sexual experimentation with her Curious fragrance line (Curious: do you dare?), to her oiled-up male dancers getting lusty together on the Onyx Hotel Tour, to the time she sat down to write gay people a handwritten love letter.
Of course, there’s also the Spearitual discography as a whole, which has been employed for homosexual indoctrination for nearly two decades running: from coming out anthem “Brave New Girl,” to “Change Your Mind (No Seas Cortes),” an ode to discreet bicurious Latinos, to anal sex guide “Over To You Now,” to bottom empowerment anthem “Big Fat Bass,” to the polyamory-positive “3,” to the bisexual boasting of “all of the boys and all of the girls” begging to “If U Seek Amy,” to “Work Bitch,” a self-described “term of endearment” dedicated to the gays.
According to advanced scientific studies, we also now know that the pulsation of In The Zone‘s “Breathe On Me” permanently alters one’s genetic make-up upon hitting the ear just once, resulting in a lifetime full of gay sex.
Backstage at the awards show, Allyney graciously held an impromptu, Piece Of Me-style meet-and-greet for two VIP gay fans: Gus Kenworthy and Adam Rippon.
— GLAAD (@glaad) April 13, 2018
Later on, during the evening’s ceremony, Queerney hit the stage to accept her award, standing alongside The “Vente Pa’ Ca” Bon-Bon Bae himself, Ricky Martin.
— Absolute Britney (@absolutebritney) April 13, 2018
“I wrote this speech, and it’s basically…I feel like our society has always put such an emphasis on what’s normal, and to be different is unusual or seen as strange,” she began, making an obvious REFERENCE to her beloved Circus album track, “Unusual You.”
“But to be accepted unconditionally, and to be able to express yourself as an individual through art is such a blessing. Events like this, the one we’re attending tonight, show the world that we’re not alone. We can all join hands together here and know that we are all beautiful…being a mother has shown me what it means to love unconditionally, and you all in this room have showed me throughout my career what it means to be loved unconditionally. It’s an honor to be here. Thank you to GLAAD, and the LGBTQ community, and family, and all of my friends and fans, I love you very much. Thank you.”
In all seriousness: thank you Britney for being you, and for continuing to inspire us all to be ourselves everyday, too. We love you.
Oh, and one last thing: there’s still time to record a “Change Your Mind (No Seas Cortes)” remix with Ricky, B.