LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (Los Angeles, CA) — Global icon, Four time Blockbuster Entertainment Award-winning chanteuse and undisputed Queen of Features Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera is engaged.
After a ruthless shade attack dealt by non-true lover of music Prince Charles earlier in the week, the Mi Reflejo songstress made a speedy recovery after being whisked away on a romantic getaway to the islands with her film production assistant-turned-lover, Matt “Fan” Rutler.
Legendtina and Matt were kind enough to sit down with the LNN for an Excluusive interview immediately after their highly publicized Twitter photo reveal.
Matt, wow. It must truly be an honor to be here.
M: Uh, it is? It is. I…I’ve never, uh, been so thrilled.
And Your Legend, you must be gushing with red hot kinda love. Tell us more about Matt.
L: Who? Oh, right. Yes. He’s been a fan for years now. It’s a funny story, actually. We met on the set of my film Burlesque with — oh, I always forget the name. I think her name’s Cheryl? Anyway, he would tell me where to stand and what to SAY!…and I made him show me how he burlesques. HA!
Wow. A storybook romance. Matt, how does one prepare to propose to a true music veteran — one who’s been in the industry for well over a decade and somehow keeps getting better?
M: I didn’t even know what was happening, to be honest. One minute we were gazing out on the balcony together. She promised me sex for breakfast. And then the next thing I knew, I was down on the ground with her stiletto digging into my back. She had a bat in her hand. There was blue goo and confetti everywhere. I just laid there for a moment, terrified, and then she screamed: “SAY SOMETHING, I’M GETTING MARRIED TO YOU.”
L: It was beautiful. I suggested that he spin around in circles on my middle finger, and then he said he’d prefer my ring finger — I blushed. I must admit: I was impressed.
And that ring! Mercy on me! According to our expert in-house jeweler, that’s an Unbreakable Flower cut diamond, mined from the mystical Cruz caverns located deep within the Lower Woohoo Canyons. And the band has been melded together from unsold copies of Bionic. Is that right?
L: Good eyes, fan.
And how about Matt’s ring?
L: I got mine, so he got his.
Did you get anything inscribed in them?
M: Well, she has my name written inside hers. And then mine just says: “I think you already know my name.”
That’s really wonderful. We’re all so happy for you.
L: I know. You’re welcome.
The couple is only just beginning to make arrangements for what is sure to be the year’s most lavish wedding, but they will not be registering for gifts from fans and family. Instead, Legendtina has personally requested that donations be made to the BBC (Buy Bionic Coalition), the LTBLLGBTQ (Let There Be Lotus And Gays) Foundation and of course, to the pre-sale for the upcoming Lotus-Bionic 20/20 Mrs. Goduilera World Experience Piece of Legend Vegas Tour.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S SAY!