The fantasy: Nicki Minaj and Cheryl Cole appearing on the same track. In theory? Amazing.
The reality: Nicki Minaj and Cheryl Cole appearing on the same track…with Will.I.Am. In actuality?
LITERALLY ABOUT THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.
Yes, Muusers–this is real and actual: Cheryl Cole is warbling on the choruses of the already terrible Nicki Minaj/Will.I.Am robo-clusterfuck, “Check It Out.”
I mean, COME ON. I ‘get’ it: The grand plan is to have Lady Cole fight, fight, fight her way into the American market (which will never happen unless she’s a judge on a popular talent show in the US, FYI). But this…this is just plain tortuous! This collaboration makes me want to rock softly in a corner and pluck out my limited edition Nuhdeen Coyle Eylure false eyelashes one by one.
Much as with all of the other atrocities in the world including genocide, war, and famine, I blame Will.I.Am. He is everything that is wrong with modern pop music, and I do honestly believe he may in fact be the devil.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go whip my hair back and forth until the gravitational force causes me to forget this ever happened.