Legendtina Crafts Club Anthem with Pitbull For The True Music Lovers: "Feel This Moment"

"WOOOOOO! HELLO, UH YES? DALE!" Pitbull merrily cries out as picks up the phone. "Desnudate," a voice whispers into the phone seductively. "Así me gusta, papi. En mi reflejo. Solamente tú." "Eh?" he responds. "JUST MEET ME IN MY LAIR, FAN--err, I mean, meet me at the hotel," the voice purrs, now…


Phoenixtina Risinguilera: The True Story Behind Legendtina's 'Lotus' Album Cover

Deep in the Hollywood Hills, a buxom blonde wearing a studded diaper and a crown sits scowling at her 1996 IBM, reading a site called MuuMuse. "Who the fuck is this irrelevant flop?" she murmurs to herself. Suddenly, a video chat request from Rihanna takes over the screen. "Phuck yo diamonds,…


A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding Legendtina's Video for "Your Body"

BOW THE FUCK DOWN. Gather 'round, all ye basics and lessers: Here, beneath the branches of this shady, leafy tree inside the Great Mi Relejo Forest, as we come to appreciate the wondrous blessings of the one and only Legendtina--that is, if ye consider yourself a true music lover, and a true fan…


Legendtina's "Your Body" Reigns at #34 on the Billboard Hot 100

BOW DOWN. "Mmhmm. Right. Well, you really wouldn't get it unless you were a true music lover," the buxom beauty explains over the phone to Christina Millian, as she applies another coat of lipstick to her lips and slides the Doritos Locos Taco Supreme back into her mouth. Suddenly, she looks down…


The 8 Most Insane Quotes from Christina Aguilera's Billboard Cover Story

Every now and then (much more often now than then, really), there comes a time when Christina Aguilera, the actual human being, reaffirms the very existence of "Legendtina," the persona I've crafted on MuuMuse. Earlier today, Billboard published their cover story regarding Aguilera's upcoming…


Legendtina Reveals Her 'Lotus' to Lessers at Billboard Magazine

BOW DOWN. Get down on your knees and behold, basic bitches: Phoenixtina Risinguilera has arrived--ditching the crown, the fan, and switching out the Blu-Red lipstick in favor of Prima Donna Pink--to reign on the cover of Billboard Magazine this week.


Legendtina Survives Merciless Lady Gaga Shade Attack on Twitter

BOW DOWN. Inside a sprawling chateau in Hollywood, the buxom blonde sits quietly typing at her 1996 IBM wearing a studded diaper, a crown and a sparkling corset. "'I've never done this sort of thing before' says Harry, as he leans in and tenderly kisses Louis on the mouth," Legendtina writes down…


Legendtina Premieres "Your Body," No Bodies Safe

Friday morning. The studio of The Voice is empty, dark and silent--until a cackle pierces the air. A voluptuous blonde wearing a crown and a studded diaper sits silently at her red swivel chair, surveying the newspaper she stole from outside. "'The Voice Beats X Factor Premiere,' do you hear…


Legendtina Announces New Album 'Lotus,' Premieres Single Art for "Your Body," Rules Twitter And Also The World

BOW DOWN AND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THESE FUCKING CURTAINS, YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY. Earlier this afternoon, while the flops over at Apple were busy premiering their shiny, thinner version of the iPhone which is no longer compatible with any of the cables or accessories you bought for your…


A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding Legendtina's "Your Body"

BOW THE FUCK DOWN. A thick, dewy purple mist descends. The scent of Secret Potion and a Taco Bell Cheesy Crunch Gordita permeates the air. A wild cackling pierces through the wind. And just like that, it's too late: Our bodies are about to get fucked. Last night, while tinkering on her 1996 IBM…


Legendtina Promises to Rise Like A Phoenixtina On New Album

BOW THE FUCK DOWN. The promotion for Legendtina's grand return to the throne has begun. Prompted by the news of Godney's upcoming musical arrival in 2012, the Mi Reflejo chanteuse and Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards 2000 nominee for Favorite New Artist took a moment away from furiously throwing…


Legendtina Serves Leggy Realness While Shooting Music Video for "Your Body"

BOW DOWN. With each passing day, we draw closer still toward the only event that will matter in 2012--or really, this entire decade: The grand unveiling of Queen Legendtina's "Your Body," the lead single from her forthcoming record, which is now reportedly titled Oh, She Is? With Mariah? That's So…